I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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