You're my little dorito
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
