I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
