I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
