you guys were way drunker than both of me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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