I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize