Can i not drive my cunt home
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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