OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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