On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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