she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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