Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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