Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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