Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
