Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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