By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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