I think I died a long time ago.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
