Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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