remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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