We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
