GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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