Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
