we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Alive.
So much puke
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
