There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
