she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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