so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
