this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
