1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
