if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
