the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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