when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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