he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
