i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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