I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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