you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
