he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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