i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
