These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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