Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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