Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love having hate sex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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