You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
