i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
