Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
