i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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