I'm jealous of your bromance
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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