Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
