okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize