just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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