i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
