Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
