smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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