So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
