i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
