Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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