Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
