ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
