I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
