My underwear smells like fireworks.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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