god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Your tits are I can't wait for
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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