rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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