I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
